You're Not Getting Away This Time, Darling!
by DeraldSny
Summary: Lum comes up with a foolproof plan to ensure Ataru doesn't escape her affections this time... Sometimes the best plans are the simpler ones. Rated M for mild naughtiness on Ataru's part. ;)


I've always liked this couple, so I wanted to write a romantic scene of sorts between them... But Ataru being Ataru, there's bound to be SOME naughty stuff, so fair warning! ;)

And now... ON WITH THE SHOW!

You're Not Getting Away This Time, Darling!

A Urusei Yatsura Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

A/N: This story is stand-alone and not in continuity with any of my other UY stories.

(Phew... I think I lost her...!)

Ataru Moroboshi came out from his hiding place, looking around (and up) for any sign of his jealous alien 'girlfriend', Lum Invader... Seeing no signs of green hair, he sighed in relief as he started walking down the street, hands in pockets... (Geez... every time she sees me with another girl she has to flip her lid... I wasn't even doing anything perverted this time...) Indeed, he had been honestly helping a female tourist who'd gotten lost and needed directions... sure, she'd been nice eye candy, but Ataru had managed to resist groping her, mainly due to the engagement ring he'd glimpsed on her finger.

But of course, try explaining that to an Oni with lightning powers and a hair-trigger temper... Strangely, Lum had instead brandished her large wooden mallet as she chased Ataru through the streets of Tomobiki. Maybe she hadn't wanted to risk zapping the woman along with her Darling? Not that Ataru didn't appreciate the alien's beauty and affection, he just wished she wouldn't be so overbearing and possessive...

(Guess I'll just wander the streets until nightfall,) the pervert mused. (Maybe by the time I get home, Lum will have calmed down a little...) But suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, lifting him up off the ground!

"Got you, _Darling no baka!"_

"ACK! Lum!" Ataru cried in panic as they rose high into the air. "W-wait a minute! I can explain! Really!"

"Explain nothing!" the green-haired alien princess growled. "You're not getting away this time, Darling!"

"B-but where are we g-going?!" the high school student stammered, surprised that he hadn't been fried extra crispy yet.

"Somewhere you can't escape-tcha!" Lum shot back, as they flew over the streets of Tomobiki...

_*A short while later...*_

"C'mon, Lum! Can't we discuss this like human beings?!" Ataru pleaded as they flew over a forest.

"I'm an alien, Darling."

"Dammit!"

"Don't worry, we're almost there-tcha!"

"Almost where?" Ataru grunted as he tried to peer through the tree cover. "There's nothing but forest here!"

"You'll see-tcha," Lum smirked as they approached a clearing. Once they were directly over it, the Oni abruptly released her passenger, Ataru screaming as he plummeted...

*SPLUDGE!*

"Huh...?!" Instead of impacting solid ground like he was expecting, Ataru found himself buried almost up to his groin in brown liquid earth that shifted with his movements. Attempting to move only caused him to sink deeper... "Argh! It's a sucking bog!"

"That's right Darling," Lum said as she slowly floated down, having doffed her go-go boots, carrying them in one hand. "What you Earth-people call... quick-sand."

_"Quicksand?!"_ Ataru panicked, looking around for anything to grab onto. Seeing nothing, he started clawing at the surface of the mire instaed, only to feel his waist swallowed. "Help! I'm sinking!"

"STOP!" Lum ordered. "Thrashing around like that will only make it worse-tcha! You have to stay still!"

"B-but... I sink even when I stay still!" the pervert cried as he saw his stomach disappear.

"You won't go under if you stay still," Lum countered. "I did my research-tcha, you'll float at about your chest or armpits as long as you don't carry anything heavy-tcha. And also, don't try to push down with arms, you'll only get them stuck that way-tcha!"

Ataru gulped. "Y-you better be right...!" Fortunately, it seemed she was, as his descent into the muck slowed and stopped when he was just below his armpits, his arms resting on the wet surface. "Phew..." But as his heart rate calmed down, something suddenly occurred to him... "Oh, hell... this is what you meant by 'not getting away'..."

"Exactly, Darling," Lum smirked as she set her boots down in some grass. "Now then... it's my turn-tcha." With that, she began to walk toward her betrothed, her bare feet pressing into the muck...

"Wha... huh?!" Ataru gaped in disbelief as he saw the Oni willingly enter the same bog he was trapped in, her legs sinking deeper and deeper as she walked forward... But when she was past knee-deep she stopped, the mud apparently having trapped her legs for good...

"Ugh... a little thicker than I thought-tcha..." Lum grunted as she lifted her arms and bent them, swinging them left and right as she shifted her hips, managing to make a little more forward progress... but then the quicksand claimed her bikini bottoms, causing her to close her eyes and shudder slightly. "I guess that's good enough-tcha..." Only a couple of feet away from Ataru now, she let her arms drop, her hands pressing into the mud as she continued to sink down...

"Uhhh..." Ataru was transfixed, a small amount of drool dribbling from his lip as he watched this beautiful, exotic woman continue to work herself down into the mire... the way the surface shifted indicated she was still wiggling her hips beneath the surface, her waist gone, her belly button vanishing... Lum's eyes were closed, her mouth emitting unintelligible moans as she shivered, apparently with enjoyment... She tried to pull up with her now-trapped arms, the quicksand slowly claiming her ribcage in response, her elbows also being swallowed...

The Oni let out a louder moan as her bosom finally pressed into the surface, being lifted up slightly, her descent stopping as a result. Her nipples prominent under her bikini top, her long green hair spreading out over the bog, not to mention the slight squelching and sucking noises as she gently tugged at her trapped arms... it made for an incredibly sexy sight. "Oh, Darling... it feels so nice..." she finally spoke again. "Feeling this quick-sand massage you as it sucks you down... Mmmm..." Her eyes opened, locking with Ataru's gaze as she smiled in contentment. "Do you like it, Darling?"

"Um, uh..." Ataru babbled as he tried to reboot his brain functions. "Well, uh... I like that you like it..." He didn't care for the feeling of being constantly sucked down, even though he was floating now... but given the mud's texture, he could understand why some people might enjoy this... he had never expected _Lum_ to be one of those people, though. "W-what made you think of this, though?"

"Hmm? Oh, well... I saw a woman sinking in quick-sand on TV once," Lum explained, "But I had never heard of something like that existing on this planet before-tcha... I know enough about Earth-culture now to understand that Hollywood movies aren't always true, so I went to the library to look up quick-sand... When I learned that the real danger was getting trapped and dying of exposure, it gave the idea to trap you-tcha." She smiled at this. "And now I've got you right where I want you-tcha..."

"But how do you plan to get us out?!" Ataru retorted with a hint of anger. "Your arms are stuck, even though you told me not to do that!"

"It's fine, Darling," Lum shook her head. "I tried out sinking in here beforehand, and I found that I can fly myself out... it just takes time-tcha... We'll be fine, don't worry. I know what I'm doing-tcha."

"I hope you're right, Lum. I really do," Ataru sighed, as his gaze once again fell on Lum's mammaries, her bikini top now stained halfway brown by the swamp muck... They seemed to be just out of his reach, almost as if they were taunting him with their erect nipples... but now that danger of imminent drowning had passed, the pervert decided to take a risk, leaning forward and slowly stretching out his arms... his effort was rewarded as his hands laid firmly on Lum's breasts, before gently beginning to squeeze...

"Oh yes..." Lum shivered and sighed. "Do it, Darling... don't hold back-tcha..." Encouraged by her positive reaction, Ataru managed to move himself forward slightly, getting a better grip on his prizes, gently fondling and squeezing them with practiced precision, his thumbs occasionally brushing over her nipples, causing Lum to roll her head around in delight... Below the surface, the alien princess made half-swimming motions with her trapped arms and legs, managing to push herself even closer...

Getting an idea, Ataru abandoned his groping, instead pushing his hands under Lum's armpits, then slowly pulling back... it took a bit of effort, but eventually he managed to wrap his arms fully around his girlfriend's body, pulling her in close, until their bodies collided, a small amount of mud squirting up Lum's cleavage as a result.

"Oh, Darling..." Lum groaned as she slowly wrapped her submerged arms around Ataru's waist, her blue eyes locking with his black orbs once more, said eyes filled with love and desire. Ataru could feel Lum's breath from her mouth and nose, so close were they... he then became aware of Lum moaning into his mouth...

(Waitaminute, we're _kissing?!_ When did that happen?!) They were indeed engaged in a firm lip-lock, Lum moaning again as her eyes slid shut... (Wait, last time Lum got this 'excited', she zapped the hell out of me...) Then it dawned on him. (The quicksand! It's acting as a ground! She can't zap me as long as we're in here!) This realization caused Ataru to relax, closing his eyes and settling into the kiss, gently probing into her mouth with his tongue... The Oni responded in kind, her own tongue pushing past her lover's, breathing hard through her nose as she sucked on his tongue and lips...

_"Mmmph!"_ Ataru abruptly broke off and recoiled. "D-damn it!"

"Huh? W-what's wrong, Darling?" Lum inquired, feeling somewhat hurt by their kissing's sudden end.

"Ugh... I think I... I cut my tongue on one of your fangs!" he responded, tasting blood in his mouth, turning his head away and spitting.

"Oh no, I'm sorry!" Lum apologized. "I didn't even think of that-tcha...!"

"S'okay, neither did I," Ataru pointed out. "Just have to be more careful next time..."

"I guess so," the Oni nodded in disappointment, the accident having broken the romantic mood. "But at least you're not thinking of that other girl anymore, are you?"

"Lum, for the last time, she was just asking for directions!" Ataru sighed in mild exasperation. "I mean, what if a cute guy came up to you and asked _you_ for help because he was lost? Wouldn't you help him?"

"Of course I would-tcha!" Lum shot back. "...Look, I understand your point-tcha, but what am I supposed to think when I see you with another girl?!"

"I'd think you could at least wait a few seconds to see if I was actually being perverted towards her, instead of knee-jerk jumping to conclusions!" Ataru countered. "I mean, look, I enjoyed this mud bath, I really did. But maybe next time you could _ask_ me if I want to go down with you, so I could wear swim trunks or some other clothes I don't mind getting dirty..."

"...Fair enough, Darling," Lum conceded. "Anyway, I guess it's time to get out-tcha..." Adjusting her embrace, she invoked her levitation power, the pair slowly but surely rising up and out of the quicksand, globs of mud dropping off their bodies... Lum then set her boyfriend down on terra firma next to her boots. "There's a river not too far from here, so we can use it to rinse off a bit-tcha..."

"That'd be nice," Ataru sighed as he tried to wipe excess mud off his body. "But how am I gonna explain this to Mom?!"

"That's easy," Lum smirked, "Just say that I chased you into quick-sand, but that I managed to rescue you before you drowned-tcha."

"...That could work," the pervert agreed. "At least that way we'll both get yelled at, not just me..."

"Well, how does that Earth saying go?" Lum's brow furrowed in thought as she gingerly gripped her boots with one muddy hand. "Oh yes, 'misery loves company.' Right?"

"Right," Ataru chuckled as they went off together, not protesting as the sexy alien gently wrapped her free arm around his waist...

~*Fin*~

I admit, I've always been fascinated by the concept of quicksand... but it seemed like a simple way to ground Lum's lightning powers, so she doesn't accidentally electrocute her Darling when she gets... _passionate_ ;) Anyway, review!


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